Ableism and Words We Might Not Realize are Ableist

Have you ever felt so tired with all the issues regarding discrimination? From racism, sexism, and religion discrimination, we’ve heard it all. Recently I just stumbled upon an article about ableism; a form of discrimination against disabled people. This includes the expression of hate for disabled people, and making the non-disabled people feeling superior to the disabled. I feel so familiar — I can relate with all the situation explained, in fact this has been happening around me for so long.

My little sister is deaf. When she was 2 days old she got severe influenza causing her body turned blue, — long story short it affected the nerves that facilitate hearing. At the age of 3 where she started mingling with her friends at home, the discrimination began to occur. So since I was around 7, I’ve gotten used to hearing people, mostly kids in my surrounding called my sister “hey, deaf” in a derogatory terms, or “hammah hammah” (imitating they way my sister spoke). I know, they’re too little to understand it. Maybe their parents never educated them, or advised them not to say such thing. Maybe they didn’t mean to hurt my sister. Or maybe our society always normalizes the action — especially when it’s done by kids.

I believe that not everyone has bad intentions when they do something that turned out to be ableist because it has  been happening in our society for so long to the point where it’s considered normal. Do you remember how many times you’ve used the word “retarded” to call your friends who don’t actually have developmental disability, or use the word “deaf” to call your friends who don’t really have hearing problem? How would you react when they call you that way? Perhaps you’re gonna laugh at it.

Deaf is one of the invisible disabilities. You won’t notice it unless you hear them trying to speak or there’s a communication between you two. I often heard people feel sorry for my sister’s condition once they eventually noticed it. Why did you even feel sorry? Your condition is not necessarily better than my sister’s. But like I said before, sometimes we’re not aware that we’re being ableist because it is not always about using offensive words to mock them, it includes feeling sorry for those with disability.

I’m always proud of my sister, for who she is, for what she has achieved, but not in a way “I’m proud of her because even though she is deaf she still excels in many things”, no. I’m genuinely proud of her, and not even the slightest bit ever embarrassed with her. There’s one unforgettable question where my ex asked me whether my sister’s disability was inherited by my family or not. He’s afraid that if we got married, our baby will have the same disability. He said it would be such an embarrassment for his parents. So far, that’s the most offensive words that I have ever heard.

Last December My dad and I watched my sister performed dance for International Day of People with Disability in Prambanan Temple. I won’t let anyone make me feel anything less than proud of her.  Not even my ex.

One thing I learn from my sister is, she wants to be treated like other people without disability. She doesn’t like it when she gets the help she didn’t ask for in the first place. Just like the blind person you see about to cross the street doesn’t always want you to take his hand and help him cross the street. There was time when I explained her something and she said “I know!” angrily. I used to assume that she didn’t know any complicated words. I assumed that she didn’t know about nowadays issue that’s happening in this country. But then I realize, assuming she isn’t capable of doing something by herself is just so wrong. And assuming that she’s amazing for being able to do something because she has disability is considered as ableism too.

After all, I want people to focus to see her and any other disabled people as a person rather than someone with a disability.